Im moody today...
Colloeuges asked me why, my boss asked me why...
I dunno why I am feeling moody, especially today. Been sitting in front of the PC for quite sometime. I wanna write something, I wanna pour out something. But, I do not know what to write and where to start. I've been thinking and thinking...
Its a Friday today. I have an appointment for an interview on Monday actually. I cant decide whether to go or not to go. I feel is yet the time for a change, but I feel reluctant to continue working like this here... *sigh*
Sayang coming back late again tonite. Saying that his lady boss is hosting an open house today after the 'buka puasa' time. This means, leave me alone again at home, have my own dinner and wait for his return. Sometimes, really sick of the "waiting" process.
Just got a call from office, saying that this "P****** E**** C***" project having some problem. Lets call it "PEC". I dont understand why the PEC people always giving me problem, problem and problem... They are demanding and they are ridiculous sometimes, I think. Sorry to say so... But I really can't stand it anymore. Nevertheless, its a BIG project for the company and its draws quite a huge attention from the BODs, but its really S*CKS for me.
Back in the office again today, the last minutes request to get a JOB done happened again... I feel so suffocated, really. *arrghh...*
Seems like my post today quite a messy. Here a bit, there a bit... Just like my mood now.
Im not in the mood, today...
I find myself kinda bad luck recently... I've met an accident about two week ago, when I was on my way to work early in the morning. My car bumper went "kemek" and needed to be changed to a new one, that cost me few hundred bucks. Very kind of my daddy, that admitted my car to the hospital, and he beared all the medical fee of it. *grin*Today, from this morning I've met a "P" driver, that his skills are sucks. I followed him from behind, and he kept pressing the break non-stop. At a junction, he had a sudden break and 
I almost knock on his backside. However, luckily I was not following him nearly, that I managed to avoid that knock again. Then, just now... I was picking up some laundry that I visit every week. I always make the same U-turn, and I always use that same old road. BUT, I met a new motorcyclist that dunno came out from no where, suddenly coming towards my car. I had a shocked and stopped. He came down from his two wheels and scolded me, saying I didn't drive with my eyes. Oh my... I do not know how to respond, I just kept myself quiet, looking at him innocently. And I drove away. I told my sayang about it, and he asked me to pray more at home...
I have started writing since young. I wrote in a diaries. Little did I know, I have in fact collected a few books of my histories in my drawer. From then, I started blogging. My previous blog has been suspended for dunno what reasons... and that I am writing here. Most parts of my histories recorded down this "Prince" of my heart, from young till now.
Life has been changing a lot these few years. There were ups, there were downs. But, no matter ups or downs, he is still there, by my side giving me supports and encouragements. Sometimes, when I looked back, its just like an interesting play. A play that I've written for myself, a play that I've been through.
Sometimes, I feel myself lucky for what I have and I had. But sometimes, I still blame for what I feel or I think is imperfect in my play. He always says I am demanding and I have a very high expectation. Towards my life, and towards him.
"Am I really so?" I asked myself.
I do not know whether am I really holding too tight. Is this because of I am feeling insecure, low self-esteem, or I have no confidence in him? I cant answer to myself. I have no answer...
I knew he has been a good Prince of mine. He did the very best of himself to make me happy, to make me joy. He like to see me chuckles, he like to see me cheer. But my chuckles become lesser when we are closer, nowadays. I do not deny that I feel blissful too, but do not know why I do feel disappointed sometimes.
This life... is my own play. There is always a conflict between two extremes.
Whether too live it joyfully or not, that's my rule...
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