Wow... it has been sometime that I did not update my blog. The last one before this was talking about my bro whom left for more 3 months already. Well, talking about my bro, i did sent him at the airport and i was crying while he said, "silly girl, stop crying."
On and off nowadays, he still calls and writes me emails. We still chat and shares like before. Recently, i am very uncertain and sad. I had arguments with Vin and I feel lost.
Vin : No need wait for me for dinner. Will settle myself.
I called him and asked why didn't he tell me before he left. He just said, "I'm not coming back for dinner. Dont have to wait for me." I am so frust and said, "You should know where's the limit is. This is too much." I hung up. I am so angry and disappointed, that I really cant stand his attitude this way, I sent him a sms.
Ven: You are not doing things in a right way.
Vin: As always, i am always in de wrong. I am used to it already.
Ven: Is this the way you doing things? Is this de way you handle the situation? Your intention shows that you are blaming me now. I have told you my worries. But you are indirectly giving me pressure to give in just for a new car! Is this the right way? Is this call discussing?
Vin: I have tried to discussed and try to gain concensus with you. You wanna me to listen to your view but whenever i raised my view you accept negatively. i never tried to force you to give in. But hope you consider and reach a consensus together with me. look back the whole process on how i handle this situation. I always try to accept your viewand realign myself. I give in and further try to achieve consensus with you. How is your respond?
Vin: Lets drop this discussion and i already gave up the intention for new car. This should be a happy situation. Not something like this. It defeats all purpose even you think i am forcing you. I swear it never crossed my mind to force you.
Vin: And i come out today not to show i blame you or force you to agree. I feel very tired and I need a breather and forget about all these, thats all.
Ven: You need a breather. What about me? You just walked away from home in front of ma without a word. If you are not blaming, why dont you tell me when you are leaving? Is this the way we normally communicate?Have you tried to put yourself on mine? Is this the way you gonna treat me next time when we do not reach consensus n you need a breather?
Ven: Altho, i always give you negative responses. But which time i did not give in? When you wanna buy alpha, i object at first. But i give in at last. When you wanna buy psp, me too give in. And when you said gps, me too try to persuade myself. We are now talking about a big commitment. I need to make sure we can really afford. I am just thinking twice to make sure we are ready. But you think im objecting you. Who dont want to ride on a new car?
Vin: I am not gonna list out all the time where i did give in to you. All these leads to nothing. Just take it as i never mention before. You wanted me to listen to your concerns but have you consider mine? Lets drop this suggestion. I dun want later you said i force you to give in again. Try to think back on all this. No matter big or small i discussed with you before doing anything. This shows i respected you as you are to me.
Vin: Sometimes i also have my disappointment and frustration. You will always keep quite and ignore me. I am de one always make up and try to coax you back no matter what. I wish to be coax and hugs initiated by you at times. You will always mentioned my shortcoming but what bout de time when i am good to you?
Ven: As i always said, im not those who yell things out when things are not right. You know this since de very beginning. This is me. I have been telling things out when im not satisfied. But when i voice out, you will too shows me faces and say im selfish. This word have been clinging on your mouth for so long when everytime there's disagreement, im de selfish one. Im talking matter by matter. And im not pulling old stories back kinda ppl. This time, you just walked out like that, is this de right way? We are staying in a family. Not only both of us.
Vin: Fine. Always i have to consider bout you. And i consider bout myself.
Ven: See, im selfish again.
Vin: No i am in de worng.
Ven: You are saying like i dont consider about you at all.
He came home not long after that. For the whole night we did not talk and there was not any eye contact between us. Do not know why, I did not cry this time. I dont feel like crying at all, only anger in me. Until the next morning, I as usual go to work and he too. He did not call me while on the way to work. And for the whole day, we did not communicate at all. When about the evening time, he sent me a sms to my DiGi number.
Vin: Sayang, vin wanna apologize to ven for the bad attitude yesterday. Can ven forgive vin ma? Vin belanja ven for dinner tonight k?
I read that, but I did not reply him. I just put my phone away and continue my work. I feel sad with his attitude. I do not know how should i respond to him and i do not know, is he going to treat me so in future when there is any disagreement among us. Not long after that, he sms me the same message again to my Maxis number and i replied.
Ven: Was vin's attitude no good? Ven thought vin already used to it de?
Vin: Sorry Sayang. Lets not argue over it anymore ok? Vin at fault too. Vin apologize to ven. Really de.
Ven: Sometimes ven feel like you are not the vin i know anymore. You get angry so easily nowadays, and you can just treat me so cruel. Vin promised before, that you will not leave me alone. But what have you done? Now vin apologize, then you leave me again.
Vin: Sayang, i agreed nowadays my temper are real bad. I also know i get frustrated very fast. Vin agree to change Sayang. I will control my temper and remind myself not to throw bad temper at you, dear. Ven got to forgive vin only vin can change. I know i shouldnt behave like yesterday. Vin promise to control. Vin really wanna end this as the feeling after that is painful for vin too.
Ven: No next time.
Vin: Yes dear. Vin promised. Later vin sayang ven, ven sayang vin back can ma? We dun argue anymore. Ven also change a bit can ma?
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