I am feeling hurtful

A feeling of loneliness in my last post... was happened on the day I first met her. My first impression I had on her during the unexpected met up was "You better stay away and don't try to get closer with me." I was back home for the ghost month prayers for mummy actually that night. Vin was not with me as he has to stay back at home to accompany my mum-in-law. I was alone waiting at Taynton, waiting for pa to come home and we'll go for the prayers together. Never did I expected, he was coming back with a lady. She is the so-called gf, Ms. K. During the night of prayers, I was all alone sitting at a side, pretending that I didn't see them and I was pretending so busy with my phone... where at that moment, my mind was totally blank and my heart was aching painfully. I was holding back my tears so painfully carrying mummy's altar with me following those elders for the prayers. Although pa was following me, I see eye contact of him with Ms. K was so irritating. I hate him...

Later that night, Vin came and fetch me home. He sensed something was wrong and he knew I was struggling with my emotions whole night. Inside the car, I was so quiet... my tears dropped. Back home, I straightaway run in to the bathroom and had a long cold shower. I went up to bed alone after that. Vin came up soon later, he was like knowing that I am deeply hurt. He held me back, cuddled me and I cried. I was so sad, I was so hurt and I am not believing this had happened. My pa, a loving husband and a responsible father I had all these years... he had ruined his good reputation all this while tonight. Mum have not even left us for a year, my pa is getting a new gf. I hate him and hate him.

Mid-autumn festival was the second time we met. Pa called me early in the morning, asking me back home for dinner. He said Ms. K will be preparing the dinner at home. Reluctantly, I went home with Vin. I went home much earlier, I do not want my mum's kitchen to be conquered by another women. I wanted to let her know, although mum is not around, the lady of the house is still around, that is me. I prepared most of the things and making her knows that she is only a guest of the night.

Mummy's anniversary was on the 9th Oct, am glad that pa still remembered that and he called to arrange the prayers at Nirvana. He brought some flowers and fruits, telling that it was bought by Ms. K for mummy. I know he is trying to tie us closer, but the more he does, the hatred I feel. I seldom going back home nowadays after knowing the existence of Ms. K. On and off, when I drop by Taynton, she is there at home with pa. This makes me feel uncomfortable going home, to the extend I am scared to meet them at home...

This few days, Vin is away to Beijing for a business trip. Vin will be coming back in a week, he told pa and asked him to stay over just to accompany me. At first, when he suggested this, I was reluctant and disagree. But to make him feel more relieve and not to worry so much of me, I give in. Pa came with Ms. K every night. They stay over together. I feel so uneasy with their presence at home. When they are at the living hall, I went up in my room. I watch movie myself alone. I have so limited communications with them, making myself a stranger even to pa. Today, is only the second day... Am struggling and how I am gonna go through the whole week...