... mummy's report

Lotsa people called up asking me how is mummy's report and what is the result...

The lymph nodes has been diagnosed as positive... It is a cancerous cells. Mummy will need to go for a 6 courses of chemotherapy, follows by the radiotherapy and then have to consume for 5 years of the hormones pills to totally beat the disease. The chemo, she will have to do it every 3 weeks once, depending on how well she could takes it.

Doctor says, if mummy able to take it well, and suffers not too much, she can proceed timely on the therapy. If she is not able to, the therapy will have to be prolonged, suiting her ability. Doctor mentioned also, she may vomits, she may feels dizziness or unconfortable after the therapy... She will loses appetite, feels plain and so forth.

The first session will starts on the 29th June.

HE hears my prayer...

Thank GOD... Mummy's report on the ultrasound screening showed everything is normal and there is no cancerous cells spreading in her internal organ. What a relieve to know that... the only thing to worry about now, specifically is only on her next report - the lymph nodes.

Doctor had once explained that, if the lymph nodes shows positive, it is very depending on which stage it is. If it is still at the very early stage, mummy still can avoid the chemo session. She can opt for oral medication.

Still praying hard...

26 May 09, 9:20am

Pa and ma went to hospital to get the biopsy report early in the morning. While I was on my way to work, mum called... "Are you driving now, Ven?" "Yes, called you back in a short while. I have no handsfree..." I called back, I sensed something not right... Mummy picked up the phone, and she told me she is admitting to hospital in the noon. Daddy will be accompanying her, asked me not to worry. From the report, mummy diagnosed with the breast cancer and she has to be operated soonest possible.

I hung up the phone and drove back to office calmly... As soon as I reached office, I called back asked if she wants a second opinion from one of our befriended doctor. As she explained over the phone, as per doctor, it is confirmed that the lump is a cancerous cells and she doesn't want to drag... I cried. Daddy called back telling me to be brave and strong yet I felt helpless and empty. Pa ma asked me not to tell anyone, as they afraid the news will frighthen everyone as it is such a sudden.

Till noon, I couldn't bottled up anymore... I knew need to inform Sis. I SMSed her during lunch time, she immediatly called back and asked. I cried again as I explained... I felt so painful inside, I felt so helpless, I do not what to do. My tears keeps falling down uncontrollably on my cheeks...


27 May 2009, 10:00am

Mummy called me from hospital telling me that she will be pushed in to the operation theater at 11am. I asked her not to worry, telling her I will be there went she is out from the operation. I packed my thinngs up in office, rushed back home meeting daddy, had a quick lunch and we headed to hospital rightaway. Reached there at the ward, at 3:10pm...

I headed to her room, no one inside... I walked out and asked around from the nurses, mummy was still in the opeartion theater. I was so worried... why it is takes so long? Doctor once mentioned that the ops will only takes 1 - 2 hours, but now 4 hours had past. Soon after we went into the waiting room, we over heard the nurses saying that a patient is being pushed back from the OT. Pa and I quickly followed them and waited, mummy is on the way back to ward.

She was still drowsy, until she complaint she was hungry at about 5:00pm. Doctor dropped by once before this and she is allowed to drink and eat if she feels to, as long as she does not feel vomitting if she drinks. So, I gave her a lil' bites of soft bread and a quarter cup of plain water. Doctor came back and checked on her conditions after that, found out that the wound was swollen, suspecting blood clotted inside. After some doctors' discussion, informing daddy about the seriousness, mummy has to be pushed in again for the second operation to remove the clotted blood soonest possible.

The risk - mummy ate and the possibility of getting chocked will happen and it will causes pneumonia. If a patient ate, she has to be fast for at least 6 - 8 hours to ensure her stomach is empty and all muscle and organs die-down...

6:30pm - No choice, we have to take the risk... Everyone was very worried looking at mummy's condition. She was transfered to the "ICU", given the assistance of oxygen to help her breath smoother. Nurses were busy preparing the packets of bloods and platelets. Machines monitoring her blood pressure and pulse... Pa, Sis, Vin and aunty were all here praying for mummy.

8:10pm - Mummy was being pushed in to the OT again. Expecting her to return to the ward at 10pm. We went out for a quick dinner. Everyone have no appettite and I felt not hungry at all. We rushed back to hospital and waited at the waiting room. Every single minute seems take so long. Mummy was still inside until 11pm, i began to worry and asked why it takes so long. Vin saw me could not sat still, I was walking around, peeping outside hoping that mummy is being pushed out. He came by my side, comforted me.

11:30pm - Mummy being pushed out, we followed her back to the ward. Nurses transfered her back to the bed. She fall asleeps. Daddy asked us to go home and he will be staying over to look after her. We raeched home at 1am, showered, getting stuffs ready for tomorrow and I slept at 2:30am. A long and tough battle day is over...



28 May 2009, 5am - Mummy's birthday

I woke up, bathed and Vin followed. We reached hospital at 6:30am, with myself having an uncertain thoughts, mixed feelings and mentally unrest. Vin was quiet all the way sending me to hospital, held my hand tightly... giving me strength. As we reached to the ward, I saw mummy sitting upright on the bed, waving outside looking for a nurse. I quickly went in and asked, "What do you want?" "You feel pain?"

"No dear, mummy wanna go bathroom... Daddy went downstairs for breakfast." I asked if she can walks, and she said yes. Thank GOD... I see her getting well this morning. She is getting better. I helped her to the bathroom and Pa came back. He said, "It's too early now. All cafeteria yet to open for business." Pa said whole night no complaint from mummy that she is pain or feel uncomfortable. She even came down from bed and washed her face in bathroom earlier. Seems like she is progressing well...

I accompanied mummy whole day in the hospital. Vin and aunty came by during lunch & dinner. Soon later in the evening, mummy has transferred back to the normal ward into her own room. Everyone feel more comfortable and easy. Mummy still looks tired, she still sleeps and resting on the bed.

For the following days, Pa and I took turns to stay back at the hospital to accompany mummy at night. Mummy got discharged from hospital on Sunday noon, she came home feeling blessed and happy. On and off, every two to three days, Pa got to send her back to hospital for check-ups and removal of the tubes that still attached on her body for discharge.

10 June 2009, 9:30am - Daddy's birthday

Today, Pa is sending her back to hospital again for the ultrasound on the abdoment checking. This is to ensure if the cancer cells has spread around and to take pre-caution early. They went out early in the morning, I have yet to call them to check on the result. I hope everything goes on well, no spreading and mummy will not have to suffer for the unnecessary.

Dear GOD, do you hear my prayers?

Please spare my mum from diseases and sufferings...

so long...

So long... I have not bumped myself into the blog again. Reading back all the posts, it seems i am only updating it every few months. 

I used to pen everything down since young into my diaries. Never did i know, that i actually have few books inside my drawer recorded all my histories. I only realised it when i trying hard to search back for an important date in my past, i flipped through all pages, i read through almost single words... then only i realised, i have actually grown up, i have been through a lot and that creates the "me" today. 

I was actually trying to locate back the very very first unofficial "date" with vin. I wanna to use for our registration date. But sad, i did not manage to find it. It is not written in my diary, i am curious why it did not penned down... Anyway, vin and i still discussing on this, trying to find a memorable date for both of us. 

We have confirmed our wedding day for the chinese wedding dinner & custom ceremony on the 23 May 2010. That would be exactly one year from today... 

Looking forward, we still have lots to plan and to decide. Getting marry is really not a 2 person thingy... byt its involved 2 families. Headache, headache, headache... but enjoying every moments of it...

*Hugs*

Last day of August '08

Wow... it has been sometime that I did not update my blog. The last one before this was talking about my bro whom left for more 3 months already. Well, talking about my bro, i did sent him at the airport and i was crying while he said, "silly girl, stop crying."

On and off nowadays, he still calls and writes me emails. We still chat and shares like before. Recently, i am very uncertain and sad. I had arguments with Vin and I feel lost.


Vin : No need wait for me for dinner. Will settle myself.

I called him and asked why didn't he tell me before he left. He just said, "I'm not coming back for dinner. Dont have to wait for me." I am so frust and said, "You should know where's the limit is. This is too much." I hung up. I am so angry and disappointed, that I really cant stand his attitude this way, I sent him a sms.

Ven: You are not doing things in a right way.

Vin: As always, i am always in de wrong. I am used to it already.

Ven: Is this the way you doing things? Is this de way you handle the situation? Your intention shows that you are blaming me now. I have told you my worries. But you are indirectly giving me pressure to give in just for a new car! Is this the right way? Is this call discussing?

Vin: I have tried to discussed and try to gain concensus with you. You wanna me to listen to your view but whenever i raised my view you accept negatively. i never tried to force you to give in. But hope you consider and reach a consensus together with me. look back the whole process on how i handle this situation. I always try to accept your viewand realign myself. I give in and further try to achieve consensus with you. How is your respond?

Vin: Lets drop this discussion and i already gave up the intention for new car. This should be a happy situation. Not something like this. It defeats all purpose even you think i am forcing you. I swear it never crossed my mind to force you.

Vin: And i come out today not to show i blame you or force you to agree. I feel very tired and I need a breather and forget about all these, thats all.

Ven: You need a breather. What about me? You just walked away from home in front of ma without a word. If you are not blaming, why dont you tell me when you are leaving? Is this the way we normally communicate?Have you tried to put yourself on mine? Is this the way you gonna treat me next time when we do not reach consensus n you need a breather?

Ven: Altho, i always give you negative responses. But which time i did not give in? When you wanna buy alpha, i object at first. But i give in at last. When you wanna buy psp, me too give in. And when you said gps, me too try to persuade myself. We are now talking about a big commitment. I need to make sure we can really afford. I am just thinking twice to make sure we are ready. But you think im objecting you. Who dont want to ride on a new car?

Vin: I am not gonna list out all the time where i did give in to you. All these leads to nothing. Just take it as i never mention before. You wanted me to listen to your concerns but have you consider mine? Lets drop this suggestion. I dun want later you said i force you to give in again. Try to think back on all this. No matter big or small i discussed with you before doing anything. This shows i respected you as you are to me.

Vin: Sometimes i also have my disappointment and frustration. You will always keep quite and ignore me. I am de one always make up and try to coax you back no matter what. I wish to be coax and hugs initiated by you at times. You will always mentioned my shortcoming but what bout de time when i am good to you?

Ven: As i always said, im not those who yell things out when things are not right. You know this since de very beginning. This is me. I have been telling things out when im not satisfied. But when i voice out, you will too shows me faces and say im selfish. This word have been clinging on your mouth for so long when everytime there's disagreement, im de selfish one. Im talking matter by matter. And im not pulling old stories back kinda ppl. This time, you just walked out like that, is this de right way? We are staying in a family. Not only both of us.

Vin: Fine. Always i have to consider bout you. And i consider bout myself.

Ven: See, im selfish again.

Vin: No i am in de worng.

Ven: You are saying like i dont consider about you at all.



He came home not long after that. For the whole night we did not talk and there was not any eye contact between us. Do not know why, I did not cry this time. I dont feel like crying at all, only anger in me. Until the next morning, I as usual go to work and he too. He did not call me while on the way to work. And for the whole day, we did not communicate at all. When about the evening time, he sent me a sms to my DiGi number.


Vin: Sayang, vin wanna apologize to ven for the bad attitude yesterday. Can ven forgive vin ma? Vin belanja ven for dinner tonight k?


I read that, but I did not reply him. I just put my phone away and continue my work. I feel sad with his attitude. I do not know how should i respond to him and i do not know, is he going to treat me so in future when there is any disagreement among us. Not long after that, he sms me the same message again to my Maxis number and i replied.


Ven: Was vin's attitude no good? Ven thought vin already used to it de?

Vin: Sorry Sayang. Lets not argue over it anymore ok? Vin at fault too. Vin apologize to ven. Really de.

Ven: Sometimes ven feel like you are not the vin i know anymore. You get angry so easily nowadays, and you can just treat me so cruel. Vin promised before, that you will not leave me alone. But what have you done? Now vin apologize, then you leave me again.


Vin: Sayang, i agreed nowadays my temper are real bad. I also know i get frustrated very fast. Vin agree to change Sayang. I will control my temper and remind myself not to throw bad temper at you, dear. Ven got to forgive vin only vin can change. I know i shouldnt behave like yesterday. Vin promise to control. Vin really wanna end this as the feeling after that is painful for vin too.

Ven: No next time.


Vin: Yes dear. Vin promised. Later vin sayang ven, ven sayang vin back can ma? We dun argue anymore. Ven also change a bit can ma?

My good colleague cum bro is leaving...

The whether forecast for the this few days is cloudy, in my mind. My mood is dull and I see things so grey...

One of my good colleague is leaving soon for a better oppurtunity. He is leaving soon to grab a better prospect far far away from Malaysia. Do not know why, the feeling of loneliness and the fear comes to me so sudden, just like i am lost somewhere. I couldn't hold the tears when I was telling this to Vin.

He, is the closest one to me in my tenure here. We talk about everything from A to Z. He is just like a big bro to me. He stayed back late just to accompany me finish up my work. He buys me coffee when he knows i am frustrated with my on-hand projects. All this, develops and until we formed a strong friendship. I take him as my buddy. He takes me as his lil' sis. He always calls me "siu mui mui" although from age, he is much more younger than i am.

Now, he is going to leave. I feel sad and I feel glad. Im sad that he is leaving to somewhere faraway. But, I am glad that I knew him as my friend, my buddy and my bro. I wish him good luck and all the best.

Vin's proposed on my birthday's eve

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

SINGAPORE, Shoyu Japanese Restaurant: A lovely boyfriend of a birthday girl had kneeled down onto the floor to proposed in a local japanese restaurant here, Shoyu. This couples came into the restaurants in pair with another pair of couples, YK and SH, known married.

When they arrived, a waitress attended them by giving a brief introduction of the restaurant, brought them for a visit to every of their "personalised" room. Each and every room comes in theme with colors; red, black, white and pink.

The two pairs of couples, enjoyed their light dinner with our few signature dishes in the red room.

Then, the peak of the moment happened. The two ladies were brought into the Black Color theme room, with a background of cherry blossoms. There, laid on the dining table was a plate if puddings and cakes with a candle lit up. The ladies were suprised, especially the birthday girl who did not expected the desserts at all at the very first place.

Came in, the prince charming of hers with a hand bouquet of dozens roses written on it, "Will you marry me". The gentleman presented the bouquet to the lovely young lady, whom was speechless at that moment, slowly kneeled down onto the floor. With a lil' box coming out from no where, he then presented her a diamond ring.

At this moment, the speechless young lady was frighthen and suprised by all the sudden acts of his boyfriend, moved a few steps backwards avoiding the embarrassment. He held her back to his front and express out his words, "Sayang, will you marry me?" Poor the young gentleman, had expressed out a few times, yet he got no answer from the blushing young lady.

Finally, when he held her hand tightly, giving her the assurance... the lady nodded her head and he slipped the ring in to her finger. They cuddled each other tightly and that recorded the ever special moments for this young couples, Vin and Ven.

My Birthday with Bosco !

Hey, let's check out my birthday celebration's photos which I've taken with Bosco and my frens !


the family photo...



singing birthday song...


cutting birthday cake



Ven + Bosco

Year end suprises !

Been quite sometimes since the last blog. I have been quite busy recently with lotsa changes in my plan, my play...

Well, let's start with my Langkawi trip. We had a wonderful trip. We had a very enjoyable trip together. Although, it was quite a short one, but it was enough for us to recharge and reenergize ourselves after all the hard days work. That was back on Oct then.













After that, to my own suprises, we managed to find our own home sweet home, finally on the November month. Vin and I have been looking and searching for our own home for quite sometime already... And finally, we got it. We are actually still busy preparing and getting things done for all the processes needed. Sometimes, we really got fed-up with the mini minor things that needed to be settled, hence I enjoy that little every moment to get it settled.

Getting our home sweet home is the first phase of our journey together. I want to treasure every moment of it. And lucky me, Vin is committed to every single thing we discussed and planned.

Next, it will be my birthday suprise. This is my first time celebrating it with my bunch of primary schoolmates. Dont know why, this bunch of friends always make me feel wanted and secured, easpecially that single "lil' woman", always cheers me up. We started getting closed again since the beginning of this year. We had lotsa funs together throughout the year. She is the one who always cheer people up and 24/7 standby for all of us without fail.

TT, a happy go lucky girl. She has plans for everyone of us irregardless of any occassions. My birthday is not excluded. She knows I will be away on my birthday, so she planned it to celebrate earlier. And last nite, we had fun of it. And you know what, I had the celebration together with Bosco, the HK artist !

Well, im now packing for my trip to Hong Kong tommorrow actually... It is winter now. I will be there for my birthday and Christmas ! Last but not least, I am going for the Andy Lau's concert too !

YEAH !!!

An evening at Pavilion

Pavilion is the hot topic around town. The Gardens, Mid Valley on the other playing its name "sound" too...

They are big, people say... They are grand and they are talking about high end and branded stuffs.

Well, me and sayang had actually planned going window shopping either in one of these two NEW shopping malls and we ended up in The Pavilion. We reached there around 5.45pm... Both of us just walked and walked around... Due to its floor layout, I found it not "window shopping - friendly"... hehehehe, as I couldn't find the shops i wanna go, the place i wanna go... The floor layout like hiding every shops one and another... made me feel a lil' tired and frusfrated.

Not forgeting to mention the brands that its carries, from Parkson & Tangs as its anchor, from A/X, Banana Replublik, CK Jeans, DKNY and even Giordano concept store. Also bringing in some brands from the southern region, the Lavender bakery... from Singapore, the Michael Angelo's and Soo Kee Jewellery.

Enough introduction of its "branded"... back to my lovely evening with my sayang... *grin*

Dunno why, sayang brought me in to a jewellery shop and we looked for diamond rings. I tried out a few designs and sizes. I was wondering why... *grin* Is he going to propose soon? kekekek...

Sometimes better not to expect too much or too soon. I have to stop my imagination here. Feel a lil' bit afraid actually. Do not know afraid of what. Afraid of what will be reaction if the day comes? Or afraid of having the commitment?

...

After that, we went down for some food. We were looking around to fill up out hungry stomach. But due to, its just right the "buka puasa" time... everywhere is packed. We saw people queueing up to be seated. We saw people waiting hungrily for food to be served.

Finally, we came to a Japs restuarant, YO! Sushi that has the least people. It feel the same old conveyer belt Genki Sushi or Sushi King. So, we went in. Price were range from RM3, RM5, RM8, RM10, RM14, RM16 & RM18 per plate. We thought the prices were quite reasonable... however, it proved us wrong. The average an eatable sushi plate are actually priced from RM8 and above. It is actually so so so expensive.

After our expensive dinner with a half full stomach , we continue to walk around to see what can we buy back home for supper. We came to a shop selling donuts. The crowds were terrible and the quere were long. It's called J.Co Donuts & Coffee.

Look at the crowd... These were the queue and I was one of them... hehe

You gotto have lotsa choices to choose from. There have lotsa flavours !

The almost empty trays with the varieties of donuts ...

the Copa Banana...

the Berry Blue
the Tiramisu

the Mango...

And this are MY DONUTS !!!

After buying donuts, we head back home. We paid the parking, and you know what... The parking fees... how much it costs again? It was RM9.50 for only 3 hours !!!

All I shall say is that Pavilion is for those really with heavy cash !

hmm....

my "Fu Chow" style of breakfast

Sayang promised de other day, that he will bring me to have the red wine chicken mee suah... and I said "Red wine? No lar, its drunken claypot chicken..." But he confidently answered, "It's red wine chicken mee suah... You've got to believe me."

Okay... Let's go this weekend, then.

The Fu Chow Restaurant just located somewhere around the Pudu market. Its a corner, renovated & refurbished old shop. The ambience is decent with an airy ventilation, clean and tidy.

Sayang ordered two bowls of the red wine chicken mee suah, two pieces of the pancakes & four pieces of the fu chow meat balls.

Look at this... This is really the red wine mee suah. It tastes something like the drunken claypot chicken, but it gives you some different feel, somehow... *grin*

The portion is just nice that myself can finished the whole bowl. It comes with few pieces of chickens and some spring onions.

Red wine chicken mee suah, fu chow pancake & fu chow meat balls

The restaurant in fact gives you lotsa variety to choose from... from curry noodles to mee suah, and there are types of side order for you.

The fu chow pancake is something like our chinese "chu yuk piang". Inside the pancake, there are minced meat, spring onions and... some lil' dices of dried oyster !

Fu Chow pancake

The price is also quite reasonable. The mee suah only cost about RM4 - RM5 per bowl. The pancake is RM1 per piece and RM0.50 per piece for the meat ball. This is worth a try for those who is obssessed with food. Somehow, this restaurant had been recommended by our local program "Ho Chiak!" and also been publised in The Star newspaper...

its a long long week...

Its a Thursday today. Still another day of battle tomorow in de office. This week seems so long, seems so slow and seems so tough for me...

My schedule is actually packed with appointments every single day, but why? Wit lotsa appointment, my time shall run so fast... Why its still seem so hard to go through??? I had given a terrible training this morning... to a terrible client. They are really giving me problems everytime. Before I went for that training, I've got myself prepared with everything that I feel needed and not needed too. I've told myself, "Just be prepare for the worst, then my day will be better..." However, it turned out sour with lotsa ridiculous Qs and comments. Back to office then, received numbers of emails requesting this & that which I find it... waste of my time.

arrrghhh... !

yeah...

I had my finger lickin' good KFC for dinner last nite ! *grin*

craving for KFC

I feel like eating KFC out of a sudden. I smell it now, I taste it now.

Was telling Sayang that I wanna have KFC for dinner tonite, but he will be late at the office again. *sad*

I think I just have to leave my "temptation" aside. Pa ma surely go for our usual dinner style. They are not really fantasizing fast food for their main meal...

*sob*sob*

KFC, there's where I want to be...

I am so HUNGRY dy...

Moody...

Im moody today...

Colloeuges asked me why, my boss asked me why...


I dunno why I am feeling moody, especially today. Been sitting in front of the PC for quite sometime. I wanna write something, I wanna pour out something. But, I do not know what to write and where to start. I've been thinking and thinking...

Its a Friday today. I have an appointment for an interview on Monday actually. I cant decide whether to go or not to go. I feel is yet the time for a change, but I feel reluctant to continue working like this here... *sigh*

Sayang coming back late again tonite. Saying that his lady boss is hosting an open house today after the 'buka puasa' time. This means, leave me alone again at home, have my own dinner and wait for his return. Sometimes, really sick of the "waiting" process.

Just got a call from office, saying that this "P****** E**** C***" project having some problem. Lets call it "PEC". I dont understand why the PEC people always giving me problem, problem and problem... They are demanding and they are ridiculous sometimes, I think. Sorry to say so... But I really can't stand it anymore. Nevertheless, its a BIG project for the company and its draws quite a huge attention from the BODs, but its really S*CKS for me.

Back in the office again today, the last minutes request to get a JOB done happened again... I feel so suffocated, really. *arrghh...*

Seems like my post today quite a messy. Here a bit, there a bit... Just like my mood now.

Im not in the mood, today...

Really gotto be extra careful, next time

I find myself kinda bad luck recently...

I've met an accident about two week ago, when I was on my way to work early in the morning. My car bumper went "kemek" and needed to be changed to a new one, that cost me few hundred bucks. Very kind of my daddy, that admitted my car to the hospital, and he beared all the medical fee of it. *grin*

Today, from this morning I've met a "P" driver, that his skills are sucks. I followed him from behind, and he kept pressing the break non-stop. At a junction, he had a sudden break and I almost knock on his backside. However, luckily I was not following him nearly, that I managed to avoid that knock again.

Then, just now... I was picking up some laundry that I visit every week. I always make the same U-turn, and I always use that same old road. BUT, I met a new motorcyclist that dunno came out from no where, suddenly coming towards my car. I had a shocked and stopped. He came down from his two wheels and scolded me, saying I didn't drive with my eyes.

Oh my... I do not know how to respond, I just kept myself quiet, looking at him innocently. And I drove away.

I told my sayang about it, and he asked me to pray more at home...

My play...

I have started writing since young. I wrote in a diaries. Little did I know, I have in fact collected a few books of my histories in my drawer. From then, I started blogging. My previous blog has been suspended for dunno what reasons... and that I am writing here. Most parts of my histories recorded down this "Prince" of my heart, from young till now.

Life has been changing a lot these few years. There were ups, there were downs. But, no matter ups or downs, he is still there, by my side giving me supports and encouragements. Sometimes, when I looked back, its just like an interesting play. A play that I've written for myself, a play that I've been through.

Sometimes, I feel myself lucky for what I have and I had. But sometimes, I still blame for what I feel or I think is imperfect in my play. He always says I am demanding and I have a very high expectation. Towards my life, and towards him.

"Am I really so?" I asked myself.

I do not know whether am I really holding too tight. Is this because of I am feeling insecure, low self-esteem, or I have no confidence in him? I cant answer to myself. I have no answer...

I knew he has been a good Prince of mine. He did the very best of himself to make me happy, to make me joy. He like to see me chuckles, he like to see me cheer. But my chuckles become lesser when we are closer, nowadays. I do not deny that I feel blissful too, but do not know why I do feel disappointed sometimes.

This life... is my own play. There is always a conflict between two extremes.
Whether too live it joyfully or not, that's my rule...